Opinions

Here's the thing: I vacillate wildly in my opinions, especially about people. I'm in a constant struggle to keep my spirits up which leads to, I think, a heavy disparity between what I say and what I actually feel. Denial - I wonder if it gets you anywhere? Like maybe you need to deny for a little while until you get to a place where you can process your feelings more accurately/safely.
I read that you have to let go of who you were in order to become who you want to be. (or are?)

Ugh

I've been nursing this headache for the past two days. I'm thinking it comes from bad lighting or something. I've identified that wine, caffeinated drinks, anxiety, air pressure changes, and depression give me headaches.
I feel like hell today. I did work out though. Last night too. My running skill level is way down from where it was last May, when I quit exercising, but it will come back I hope. It would really make me feel better to achieve one of the goals I set for myself before I turn 24! Since I don't have a job I like, my own apartment, a gallery show, or an application to graduate school, maybe it will be possible for me to run 5 miles before September. Maybe not.
Tomorrow is my Grandma's birthday. If she hadn't died of unnatural causes she would be 93. Born in 1915.
There is too much sorrow in my life.

Joe Biden

I heard from someone who heard from someone who heard from someone at NBC that Barack Obama's running mate will be Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE). Hurrah! I always thought Biden was the right choice. Take that haters!

Cowards

A thought to open this discussion:
Paul Varjak: "You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."
-Breakfast at Tiffany's

I've been thinking a lot about how bravery and cowardice play out in relationship. A person may be all kinds of wrong for me, but I will stick with him until I learn that he is an ignoble milksop. Then I'm gone and don't look back.

I also know that any characteristic you despise in others is one you find in yourself. So yes, I can be fearful and whiny, but I try to overcome it, especially in a crisis. Booya.

Vacation

Dear Readers,
I am finally going on a summer vacation! So I will be gone for a week or so. Packing for a trip is so stressful don't you think? Ugh, I've been wanting to be in bed for 45 minutes now. I'm waiting for my ipod to finish syncing, but it's taking forever!
Hope everyone is well. Except you. You know who you are.

Birthday

Birthdays are a big deal in my family; it is not uncommon to celebrate for a week or more. Maybe it's because my family loves to eat and drink. We make gift lists for birthdays and Christmas, which I've learned is not a universal practice! Since I have no money to spend on myself this year I'm hoping that people buy me presents.
This is what I want for my birthday which is in early September:

• The Ladies Man DVD
• Subscription to INstyle and Psychology Today
• a massage
• Money for highlights
• Drinks at the Pump Room
• Jo Malone perfume in Orange Blossom or Grapefruit
• Nars eyeshadow in Galapagos
• Happiness
• My own apartment
• a job
• World Peace
• Hardcover copy of "the Portrait of a Lady" and "This Side of Paradise"
• cellulite free bottom
• Cake from Bombon Cafe
• Coffee cake from Swedish Bakery
• French Press coffee maker
• flat screen tv
• Cubs and Bears jerseys
  

This will also double as my Christmas List.

John Edwards is a Total Slime

I watched his interview on Nightline. Wow, what a jerk. In his mind, his sin is somewhat alleviated because the cancer of his "beloved" wife of 30 years was in remission. Elizabeth Edwards is one of the most admired women in America and he does not deserve the privilege to be her husband.
I think the authors of "He's Just Not that Into You" said it best:"If he is sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you that much." Another insight: "If you are in a mutually established monogamous relationship, then when someone cheats on you, they have decided to blatantly disrespect a very important decision you two made together."

I don't buy his excuse that he became a narcissist because of all the fame and thus he thought he could do anything and get away with it. I believe that he was always a narcissist and chose to viscerally hurt his wife and children. John Edwards's immaturity only exacerbates his moral bankruptcy.

RIP Bernie Mac

I just heard on E! News that Bernie Mac died in a Chicago hospital. He had a bad case of pneumonia and an autoimmune disorder. I am so sad to hear this. He was a great comedian with a wonderful smile. Bernie Mac was only 50; it's hard to see people called home too early.
I found this out on chron.com:
The comedian suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.
I also learned that his sitcom, The Bernie Mac Show, earned a Peabody Award. Very impressive.
Prayers for strength go out to his family.

Homage to Estelle Getty

It's time to salute Estelle Getty, the great actress who portrayed Sophia Petrillo on The Golden Girls from 1985-1992. She died July 22 at the age of 84. Sophia is one of the greatest comic tv characters. Sophia always carried a little purse on her arm and had zesty one-liners to tease her daughter and friends.Sophia: Let me tell you girls the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there's no such thing as security; and number three, don't go see "Ishtar." Woof.


Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.
-----------
Stan: Hello Sophia, you're looking younger every day.
Sophia: Hi Stan, and that's a beautiful toupee you're wearing. Great, now we're both liars.
----------
Stan: I know everything about basketball - it's one of the interesting things about me.
Sophia: Please. You've lived here for two months; there's nothing interesting about you.
Stan: Go on, ask me anything.
Sophia: All right... when are you moving out?

---

Sophia: You're Blanche's daughter, the model?
Rebecca: That's right.
Sophia: What did she model - car covers?

---

Sophia: Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing.
Rose: Oh, Sophia.
Sophia: Blanche, you're a slut.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia.
Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me...
Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night.

---

Blanche: Oh girls... I'm just in ecstasy. My body is tingling all over. You will never guess what just happened.
Sophia: We know what happened. Let us just guess what part of the Middle East he's from.

---

Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. But when life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great, go get me a glass of water.
----------
Blanche: I have writer's block. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
----------
Rose: [Rose is checking Sophia into the hospital] Name?
Sophia: Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People.

Phat Pharm

Hello Friends,
So I am really fat now. Or carrying food baby twins. But it's time for me to start an exercise regime and to make healthy eating choices.
Here is what I ate today:
Breakfast: Coffee and cheerios
Morning: 100 calorie Coca-Cola
Lunch: stuffed spinach pizza
Snack: 100 cal Coca Cola, iced tea, 2 crackers
Dinner: cheese and bread and chips appetizers, bean and rice burrito (ugh), milk, diet coke.
Second dinner at Matisse: spinach and artichoke dip, giant piece of apple strudel and ice cream, half pitcher of sangria.
Wow. I only eat and drink glucose and fat. This is really disgusting. And I really feel ill now. WAY too full.

Exercise: Walk home from Matisse to North Ave (12 blocks = 1.5 miles) which I gave up when the blisters on my feet started to burn. They are always getting in my way.

I'm going to follow one of those exercise plans from magazines that promise to lose 4 pounds in a month or something - but for a week. Just to see if I can. Then I'll probably modify my exercise routine to my normal pace: 2x/week. Hopefully.
I also want to take a dance and yoga class. Hmm maybe I can enroll in one this week! whoa now.
That's all folks.

Another Thing About Edward Norton in the Painted Veil

Here's another thing that I love about Walter Fane. He is overjoyed to learn of his wife's pregnancy, even though she is terrified he supports her. What a gentleman.Kitty Fane: Walter, stop. I'm pregnant.
Walter Fane: A baby?
[while Walter begins to look elated, Kitty looks terrified]
Walter Fane: You're quite certain?
Kitty Fane: Yes.
Walter Fane: Well, that's wonderful.
[he sees the scared look on Kitty's face and the he remembers; Kitty's affair with Charlie Townsend]
Walter Fane: How long do you think you've been like this?
Kitty Fane: Two months. Maybe longer.
Walter Fane: [his expression becomes solemn] Kitty. Am I the father?
Kitty Fane: [crying softly] I honestly don't know. I'm sorry.
Walter Fane: Well... It doesn't matter now, does it?
Kitty Fane: No. No, it doesn't.
[Kitty throws her arms around Walter and embraces him. He in turn hugs her back]

Person I want to Have a Romance Scene with: Edward Norton

Hellllll yea! Edward Norton playing Dr. Fane in "The Painted Veil" is like, wow. The scene with him and Kitty when they reunite after months of resentment and tension is so hot.
The movie and book are amazing but this is not a post about the great quotes from the film. It's about Edward Norton's character's hotness.
Damn.

Great Movie Quotes: Tommy Boy

Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
----------
Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
-----------
[Tommy sees a pretty woman. Richard is watching from his window]
Richard Hayden: Scram Tommy. Don't give her the weight room thing.
[Tommy approaches her acting muscular and buff]
Tommy: Do you know where the weight room is? I'll check it out.
-----------
Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?
Tommy: [laughs] Why?

---

[last lines]
Tommy: Oh, that's gonna leave a mark!

---

Tommy: Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a Goddamn bridge abutment!

---

Tommy: Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.
-----------------
Boardroom Woman: Whores running around, doing their little behind-shake for the men folk...
Richard Hayden: I kinda like her idea.
Boardroom Man: For Christ's sake. Once during the war I visited a prostitute, and my life has been a living hell ever since.
----------------
Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?
[chuckles until he sees that Ted is not laughing too]
Ted Nelson, Customer: [impatiently] What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Ted Nelson, Customer: [pause] Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that's...
Tommy, Richard Hayden: ...What?

Bear Arms

I believe in the right to bear arms. If you want fuzzy, hairy arms, go ahead! Party on!
However, I do not believe people should be bearing arms (weapons). That is a bad idea. Go gun control laws! Hurrah Mayor Daley!

Brave

I am throwing out the rule book and starting over. I will take a brave new attitude to face the old world. I have been afraid too long. Of what, I am not exactly sure. Perhaps afraid of the bottom falling out of the little world I have wrapped myself in. But time has reached a juncture. In late August, people cross paths to new schools, homes, partnerships and jobs. I feel like I have been a piece of cork drifting in a river, not exactly going anywhere, just bobbing up and down. So much of my home, schools, jobs, and friends are outside of my control, but I can determine to be brave.
So here I am.
Brave.

Goals

My goal in life is to be thin without having to exercise. Not very realistic huh? And probably not healthy in the long run. But! My Mom is thin and doesn't exercise. She also doesn't eat sweets. I love anything sugary and creamy.
Now, I love the way I look. Round, hairy, with cellulite jiggle - there is just more of me to love! But, when I don't fit into the two suits I have (which I tried on for an interview today) I got a problem. I can't afford a new suit, which would be a waste of money anyway. So basically I've got to quit shoving my face with chocolate and chips (and chocolate chips) and hop on that treadmill a couple times a week. So sad. I enjoy being a lush.
A few months ago I was all about the diet. And then I realized that being thin leads to being hit on by guys and when that happens I often make poor decisions. Okay I got it: be thin by not drinking. (I don't drink much now, poverty reinforces sobriety) and not going out.
Here's something I really love: spinach and artichoke dip. whoooeee. If you know of anything better to eat, let me know. Stuffed mushrooms are also pretty good. As is goat cheese veggie pizza. Yummo. Fried tofu is the bomb. I gotta make that tonight.